In order to help you make a competent, uncomplicated choice concerning the competition between complex, incompatible computer compilers, we have compsed this complete, compact, composite compendium comprising camparisons to compensate for the complaints and complements of ther compromises. We hope you find it comprehensible instead of compost.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

ASSEMBLER
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.

ADA
The Departmemt of Defence shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette.
-or-
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

BASIC (Interpeted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.

BASIC (Compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missle launcher.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.

COBOL
USE HANGMAN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE.
RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

csh
After searching the manual until your foots falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBase
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next verson of the gun is the one scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

Fortran
You shoot yourself in each toe, itertively, until you run out of toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway since no exception processing was anticipated.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Modula-2
You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Pascal
Same as Modula-2 except that the bullet is not the right type for the gun and your hand is blown off.

PL/1
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles it size, aquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.

Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.

Revelation
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Smalltalk, Actor, et al.
After playing with the grapics for three weeks the programming manager shoots you in the head.

Snobol
Grab your foot wth your hand and rewrite your hand to bullet.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm *.o
rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

Visual Basic
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.

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